bones

my bones grew and it hurt.

(sic)

I won a contest recently.
Had a dream I would win a week or so before I was notified.

I had a flood recently.
Didn't dream that one coming, though.

It's been almost two months and I was about to start searching for a new apartment because the old one was taking too long to get back up on its feet.
Had a dream people were walking into my old apartment and I knew they were there to fix it - the day I applied for apartment listings at Homesweethomerentals.ca I received news from my landlord that they were finally ready to restore the apartment and we should be back in there in 2-3 weeks.

Dreams tend to show you where you should be, where you want to be, who you want to be there with etc.

If you worry enough about something you will eventually know what it is you really want.

Dreams are vague but they make sense once it all clicks.
Sometimes you just have to decipher the meanings.

Other times, the meanings are laid out there right in front of you.

I am sick, by the way, with a cold.
How I managed to catch a cold during one of the hottest summers ever - I have no idea.

I am working at a newspaper until school starts.
It is quite different from what I expected but you learn something new every day.

And I loved how people at work avoided me like I was the plague today, tissue stuffed up my nose and make up-less face and all.

>.>

Mother May I?

Wow, time goes by so fast when you are having fun - or finishing a year of college.
I am now on the hunt - for a man.
But I was lying about the man-hunt, it is a job I am after.

A couple of ops fell through the floor (one thanks to me, the other also thanks to me) and now I am in search for the good old part-time summer job.

I've been trying my hand at writing profiles instead of columns; if you are good at something, don't do it for free!

I've been paid for my effort a couple of times so far - feels good but I wish I could make a living off of it instead of a few bucks here and there. It's not always about the money, but some would be great since I am a parent.

Moved out of the old apartment a few months ago and into a bigger, much cooler one.

I don't mean much cooler as in it wears shades, but in the way that it is cold.

Hopefully I will update this thing more often.
And hopefully my long hair grows back.

;-;

(a)Muse.

I acquired the placement at my old high school starting in January.
It will be a very educational and interesting experience.

Time to flex my social work-muscles.
I will spend the rest of my holidays working on my manuscript.
I have found a new muse to give me inspiration to fix the story up and make the necessary adjustments.
I think that period of 2 year or so where I did not work on it happened for a reason, now the story will have some of its original elements but a lot of new things to tweak it into something better.

I watched Donnie Darko last night. I haven't seen that movie for several years and I didn't realise Seth Rogen had a minuscule part in the film.

I must dig out my old DVDs to watch my favourite movies again.

Christmas is around the corner. I have bought my son plenty of presents and that's all I really wanted anyway - Charlie to have a good Christmas again.

I should probably get rid of all his old toys since he has outgrown them anyway. There will be no room in this tiny apartment once the new ones come in.

Happy Holidays!

Run as fast as I can...

If you have read the Millennium trilogy, congratulations!
If you are like myself and have only seen the original Swedish Millennium trilogy films, then congratulations!

The author wrote the character of Lisbeth Salandar in tribute to a girl he saw being raped. He said that he always felt bad that he did not help her. Lisbeth Salander is a strong character who endures more than her fair share of hardships. She is a prime example of what is, what could, and what should be the resilience of women.

Her character can't help but remind me of a documentary I watched about these women in Africa who are repeatedly raped and terrorised by men from different tribes. These men think it's the only way to protect their tribes from evil/failure/whatever stupid reason they created to justify raping women. A lot of these women were broken, but found refuge with a program set up to help them and the orphaned children who were the result of  the rapes. I specifically remember watching these foreign caregivers giving these women nail polish - something they had never seen before. When their nails were being painted, it was the first time that the women smiled and laughed in the documentary.

When I pray at night before sleep, I always touch my thumbnail with my index finger to signify my prayer for these African women. I have been praying for them ever since I saw that documentary three years ago.

I will keep praying for them, too.

I hope there are other people out there who are doing the same.

If you go away...

This evening, Charlie's dad Chuck was talking on the phone to his buddy Justin about helping out their co-worker with his whole moving-to-a-new-house process and I was in the bathroom putting my face back  on. I had the door open and I was listening to what my son Charlie was up to - I don't do this on purpose now, it just comes naturally.

Toddlers tend to make a lot of noise, and it doesn't take a genius to realize the toddler is doing something when there is silence.

After slapping on some eyeshadow, I noticed I could no longer hear Charlie or his dad. I assumed my boyfriend was out on the fire escape smoking, but what of little Charlie?

I quickly came out to investigate what my son was up to (assuming he was pulling out all 72 baby wipes one by one to form a neat pile like he usually does) when I realized...he was not in the living room. Our apartment is very small. I rushed over to the bedroom.

Charlie wasn't there.

I immediately felt my heart start to race.

I ran back into the living room calling out his name while thinking "Why would Chuck take baby outside while he smoked?" and I pushed open the door to our home. I banged on the fire escape door and Chuck gave me a surprised look as he asked "What's going on?"

"Chuck, is baby out there?"

"No.."

I felt my heart stop... it quickly started up again.

"I can't find him! Where is he?" I stammered.

I turned on my heel and raced back through the door, all but tripping over the coffee table when I looked up and stared into those big, familiar eyes from behind the arm-chair.

Charlie was sitting behind the chair, hiding because he found his dad's McDonald's apple pie (2 for $1.39) on the coffee table and he wanted to eat it in peace.

I wanted to cry, my heart was beating up into my throat. I was shaking as Chuck rushed in behind me.
I pointed at Charlie.

I did not cry, though. But I still could not stop shaking half an hour later.

I had dreams like this, where I was suddenly without my son and those dreams broke my heart.

I don't know what I was thinking when I was searching for Charlie in my apartment and not finding him. But I felt broken. And our small apartment, stuffed full of everything, was suddenly empty.

This doesn't seem like such a big deal but it was for me.

I am saddened to think of those who have lost their children.
I lost mine for not even two minutes and I am still shaken up about it.
But some people lose theirs forever.

I love you, Charlie.
You are the reason I was put on this earth.

You Are My Sunshine

I am getting a co-op placement at my old high-school in January (well, I will be getting it come Monday morning) and I am quite pleased with it. I hope my experience there will be beneficial to both myself and the students.

This is the first step of many towards my goal of becoming a social worker specifically for Aboriginal children and their families. One of my friends was enrolled in the same program as I. This past summer he mentioned his upcoming scholastic endeavour when a friend of his commented on how he "should take the program with all the white people". He assumed this program was for Aboriginal folk only.

That guy was uninformed about what the program is aimed at - Aboriginal people have different problems than non-Aboriginals. Social work involving Aboriginals needs a different spin to go along with generic social work. Yes, generic is applied to "white" people who require social work because they are not-different/the norm/non-minority. Generic!

Different needs, different backgrounds, beliefs, ancestry, living situations etc etc.

I am proud to be a part of this relatively new program.
And I sincerely do want to help out my fellow peoples.

I also want to listen to some music right now but the little guy is down for his nap.
He will be quite pissed if I wake him early.